Tag Archives: self pity

Too Much Loss

by admin Posted on May 16, 2013

If you’ve read my blog recently, you know I had to put my beloved Golden Retriever to sleep. She had been sick off and on for months. We tried medications, tests, etc. but when she was bleeding out of nose … Continue reading →

Posted in Family, Happiness, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, breakup, change, chemical dependency, cirrhosis, drinking, family, God, grief, heart ache, Higher power, loss, love, negativity, pain, recovery, relationships, self medicating, self pity, service, sobriety, story | 2 Comments

“Circumstances Make Us Willing”

by admin Posted on May 15, 2013

My old sponsor and I used to meet for walk and talks. She had much wisdom to impart upon me. And for a time, I listened. And I was happy. Then I put on ear muffs and stopped hearing. I … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Conflict, Emotional Sobriety, Gratitude, Happiness, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, grief, negativity, pain, pause, recovery, relationships, self pity, sobriety, willingness | Leave a comment

Moving Out; Moving In; Moving On

by admin Posted on May 12, 2013

Yesterday was May 11. That is significant for two reasons: 1) It was my sober date; and 2) It was my relapse date. Last year, after three years of recovery, I relapsed. On my sober date. It was at a … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Emotional Sobriety, Parties, Regret, Relapse, Self-Care, shame, Socializing, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, change, chemical dependency, drinking, loss, love, negativity, pain, relationships, self medicating, self pity, self-care, self-talk, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse | 4 Comments

Cee Lo Green Said it Best… (Originally and Radio-Friendly)

by admin Posted on April 7, 2013

…when he said, F**k You. Or, Forget You. I prefer “F**k You.” I like saying f**k. F**k f**k f**kitty f**k f**k. I have never been good at forgetting anything (although I LOVE Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings’ Better Things). And finally, F**k You suits the tune better. While we are on suits, check out Cee Lo’s pink getup. Classic stuff… You likely can deduce that I am pissed. I am. I am pissed. Things suck right now. I say that without judgment. The most spiritual beings are allowed to be pissed and are expected to feel things suck from time to time. Continue reading →

Posted in Happiness, Honesty, My Story, Negativity, Regret, Relationships, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering, Uncategorized | Tagged attitude, change, drinking, loss, love, negativity, pain, self medicating, self pity, self-talk, spirituality, willingness | Leave a comment

It Just Kinda Snuck Up On Me

by admin Posted on March 20, 2013

It’s recently come to my attention that I have gained, wait for it… forty pounds. I am around between 5’1″. A 40-pound weight gain for someone my size is alarming. It also prompted me to gasp words I last uttered upon sobering up: How the fuck did I get here? Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Cross Addiction, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Sobriety, Fear, My Story, Self-Care, Service, shame, Spirituality | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, bingeing, drinking, Higher power, recovery, self pity, self-care, self-talk, service, shame, sobriety, spirituality | Leave a comment

Beached and Mad, But Sober

by admin Posted on January 22, 2013

Today is 7 months sober, round 2. I am here. I’m still standing, in the ring, ready to beat the shit out of something. I kind of like the image of me– remember, I am a cranky, beached humpback whale in jammies–punching and jabbing at this big black amorphous blob (duh, it’s my disease–addiction). Now this is not to imply that I in any way have the upper hand with my addiction. I don’t… Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Books, Emotional Sobriety, Gratitude, Negativity, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, attitude, change, chemical dependency, drinking, gratitude, Higher power, love, recovery, self pity, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse | Leave a comment

I Admit It: I Am Terrified

by admin Posted on September 29, 2012

I’ve been flirting with my “wise mind” for the last couple months. What I mean by that is that while I am usually aware that I am reacting, responding irrationally, and have the tools to stop and return to sanity, I don’t always do it. It’s as though I haven’t totally committed myself to a spiritual path. And that’s not for lack of desire. I desperately want that peace of mind, that serenity, that quiet space again. But I’ve been holding back from facing everything. Continue reading →

Posted in Antidepressants, Emotional Sobriety, Expectation, Family, Holidays, Patience, Problem Solving, Service, Socializing, Suffering | Tagged attitude, change, family, fear, grief, love, mindfulness, pause, recovery, self pity, self-care, service | 2 Comments

Nutting Up

by admin Posted on September 16, 2012

I am in need of a major nutting up. Not the old-fashioned, pull Andrea up by her bootstraps crap– that’s ineffective and punishing– but nutting up as in saying so long to the what-ifs, opening my eyes, pulling my fingers from my ears, and working with what’s been right in front of me all along. Continue reading →

Posted in Emotional Sobriety, Expectation, Fear, Gratitude, Negativity, Problem Solving, Relapse, Self-Care, Spirituality | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, attitude, change, fear, grateful, gratitude, love, positive thinking, recovery, self pity, self-care, self-talk, spirituality | Leave a comment

Finding Gratitude In Garbage

by admin Posted on August 13, 2012

While listening to others in recovery talk Friday night, I was reminded that I need to actively participate in creating joy in my life. That there will always be times that are less than. Less than fun. Less than ideal. Less than happy. And of course, less than perfect. Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Conflict, Emotional Sobriety, Fear, Gratitude, Mindfulness, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, appreciation, change, chemical dependency, drinking, fear, fun, grateful, gratitude, joy, love, mindfulness, pain, recovery, self pity, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse, willingness | Leave a comment

That’s When He Will Start to Feel Better

by admin Posted on March 23, 2012

When I first sobered up, I was told several things that I had a hard time grasping: 1) It will be okay. Everything will be okay; 2) Letting go makes everything easier; and 3) Service work helps. Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Conflict, Depression, Emotional Sobriety, Family, Fear, Mental Illness, Negativity, Openness, Relationships, Socializing, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, attitude, chemical dependency, family, fear, grateful, gratitude, joy, loss, love, positive thinking, recovery, relationships, self medicating, self pity, service, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse, willingness | 2 Comments