Tag Archives: Higher power

Too Much Loss

by admin Posted on May 16, 2013

If you’ve read my blog recently, you know I had to put my beloved Golden Retriever to sleep. She had been sick off and on for months. We tried medications, tests, etc. but when she was bleeding out of nose … Continue reading →

Posted in Family, Happiness, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, breakup, change, chemical dependency, cirrhosis, drinking, family, God, grief, heart ache, Higher power, loss, love, negativity, pain, recovery, relationships, self medicating, self pity, service, sobriety, story | 2 Comments

It Just Kinda Snuck Up On Me

by admin Posted on March 20, 2013

It’s recently come to my attention that I have gained, wait for it… forty pounds. I am around between 5’1″. A 40-pound weight gain for someone my size is alarming. It also prompted me to gasp words I last uttered upon sobering up: How the fuck did I get here? Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Cross Addiction, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Sobriety, Fear, My Story, Self-Care, Service, shame, Spirituality | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, bingeing, drinking, Higher power, recovery, self pity, self-care, self-talk, service, shame, sobriety, spirituality | Leave a comment

Beached and Mad, But Sober

by admin Posted on January 22, 2013

Today is 7 months sober, round 2. I am here. I’m still standing, in the ring, ready to beat the shit out of something. I kind of like the image of me– remember, I am a cranky, beached humpback whale in jammies–punching and jabbing at this big black amorphous blob (duh, it’s my disease–addiction). Now this is not to imply that I in any way have the upper hand with my addiction. I don’t… Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Books, Emotional Sobriety, Gratitude, Negativity, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, attitude, change, chemical dependency, drinking, gratitude, Higher power, love, recovery, self pity, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse | Leave a comment

Man Did That Unpack My Shit

by admin Posted on October 6, 2012

Yesterday I saw an alcoholic in his disease. Active. Drunk. Incoherent. Struggling to keep his eyes open. I also witnessed a pretty typical response from the community: fearful and laden with mean-spirited, judgey, inappropriate suppositions. Disheartening but also an important reminder of my own alcoholism. It takes me to dark, stinky, soulless places. Continue reading →

Posted in Conflict, Fear, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, chemical dependency, drinking, fear, God, grateful, gratitude, Higher power, service, sobriety, spirituality | Leave a comment

Addiction: The Disease that Hi(gh)jacks the Brain

by admin Posted on July 12, 2012

As I drove home from an early-morning meeting today, I realized something major. I was thinking about NOTHING. For those of you who haven’t had the exquisite pain and pleasure of experiencing addiction, this probably sounds quite silly. Or negative. For someone like me, with a diseased, addicted brain, it’s absolutely wonderful and miraculous. Continue reading →

Posted in Gratitude, Mental Illness, Mindfulness, Relapse, Self-Care, Spirituality, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, appreciation, attitude, change, chemical dependency, drinking, fun, grateful, gratitude, Higher power, joy, mindfulness, recovery, self-care, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse, willingness | Leave a comment

Detaching with Love

by admin Posted on February 27, 2012

I’ve had the opportunity to have many conversations about that alien creature– detachment– over the past few days. I believe that in their very nature, relationships between humans fall on some spectrum of attachment. But attachment can give way to pathology, codependence, and a whole host of gnarly harms… How and when does this happen? Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Conflict, Emotional Sobriety, Family, Fear, Gratitude, Mindfulness, Relationships, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, attachment, attitude, Buddhism, change, chemical dependency, detachment, family, fear, God, grateful, gratitude, Higher power, joy, loss, love, mindfulness, pain, recovery, relationships, self-care, spirituality, substance abuse, willingness | Leave a comment

Going All Jung on My Own Ass

by admin Posted on February 22, 2012

‘ve been chewing on some of Jung’s material for the past 24 hours. Specifically, his belief that we all go through a process he calls “individuation.” Individuation is, in my opinion, another way to talk about another process I spend a great deal of time pondering– integration. Jung believed that individuation is the path we all take to our own private, individual destinies; the journey through which we form as “whole selves;” a merging of the conscious and the unconscious. Continue reading →

Posted in Books, Conflict, Depression, Emotional Sobriety, Family, Fear, Openness, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, attitude, change, drinking, emotional sobriety, family, fear, God, Higher power, joy, loss, love, mindfulness, negativity, pain, positive thinking, recovery, self pity, self-talk, sobriety, spirituality, story, substance abuse, willingness | 2 Comments

My Own Personal Happiness Project

by admin Posted on February 7, 2012

I’ve been riding shotgun in the life car for the past few weeks. Looking to others and externalities to make me feel good, worthy, whole. Which just doesn’t work. Buddha knew it. Pema Chdron writes it. For years my therapist has been repeating to me that I bake my own cake–the rest is the icing. I haven’t been tending to my own cake. Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Emotional Sobriety, Insomnia, Mindfulness, Openness, Self-Care, Socializing, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, attitude, change, chemical dependency, drinking, grateful, gratitude, Higher power, joy, love, mindfulness, pain, positive thinking, recovery, relationships, self-care, self-talk, service, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse, willingness | 2 Comments

Happiness and Complacency

by admin Posted on January 20, 2012

Complacency is the poison to my happiness. It is only when I am not complacent that I get to happy. But once I arrive in happy, I lean back into complacency. Then, like clockwork, I find myself disgruntled, pissy, selfish. Continue reading →

Posted in Antidepressants, Depression, Emotional Sobriety, Fear, Fun, Help, My Story, Negativity, Relapse, Relationships, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, antidepressants, attitude, change, chemical dependency, detox, drinking, fear, fun, God, grateful, gratitude, grief, Higher power, joy, love, negativity, pain, positive thinking, recovery, self medicating, self pity, self-care, self-talk, service, sobriety, spirituality, story, substance abuse, treatment | 2 Comments

Everything Dies, Baby, That’s a Fact

by admin Posted on January 13, 2012

Each day we experience death and not just that big final shebang of DEATH. There are all sorts of deaths. Love–romantic, platonic, filial, familial– moves around. The nature of our friendships evolve. People stomp on our dreams. We complete a goal and are left with that odd emptiness that accompanies success. And so we barrel full speed ahead. New goals. New relationships. New jobs. We rush in to fill the void. Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Emotional Sobriety, Fear, Mindfulness, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, attitude, change, chemical dependency, drinking, fear, God, grief, Higher power, joy, love, mindfulness, relationships, self-care, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse, willingness | Leave a comment