Tag Archives: alcoholism

Too Much Loss

by admin Posted on May 16, 2013

If you’ve read my blog recently, you know I had to put my beloved Golden Retriever to sleep. She had been sick off and on for months. We tried medications, tests, etc. but when she was bleeding out of nose … Continue reading →

Posted in Family, Happiness, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, breakup, change, chemical dependency, cirrhosis, drinking, family, God, grief, heart ache, Higher power, loss, love, negativity, pain, recovery, relationships, self medicating, self pity, service, sobriety, story | 2 Comments

“Circumstances Make Us Willing”

by admin Posted on May 15, 2013

My old sponsor and I used to meet for walk and talks. She had much wisdom to impart upon me. And for a time, I listened. And I was happy. Then I put on ear muffs and stopped hearing. I … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Conflict, Emotional Sobriety, Gratitude, Happiness, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, grief, negativity, pain, pause, recovery, relationships, self pity, sobriety, willingness | Leave a comment

Moving Out; Moving In; Moving On

by admin Posted on May 12, 2013

Yesterday was May 11. That is significant for two reasons: 1) It was my sober date; and 2) It was my relapse date. Last year, after three years of recovery, I relapsed. On my sober date. It was at a … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Emotional Sobriety, Parties, Regret, Relapse, Self-Care, shame, Socializing, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, change, chemical dependency, drinking, loss, love, negativity, pain, relationships, self medicating, self pity, self-care, self-talk, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse | 4 Comments

It Just Kinda Snuck Up On Me

by admin Posted on March 20, 2013

It’s recently come to my attention that I have gained, wait for it… forty pounds. I am around between 5’1″. A 40-pound weight gain for someone my size is alarming. It also prompted me to gasp words I last uttered upon sobering up: How the fuck did I get here? Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Cross Addiction, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Sobriety, Fear, My Story, Self-Care, Service, shame, Spirituality | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, bingeing, drinking, Higher power, recovery, self pity, self-care, self-talk, service, shame, sobriety, spirituality | Leave a comment

The List, Part I

by admin Posted on January 29, 2013

My sponsor told me months ago that I needed to make a list. A list of all the things I am powerless over. I haven’t made that list. I think it’s time. I don’t know how to do this, this life thing. I am not doing this life thing well at all. But change, it’s too big, daunting. Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Emotional Sobriety, Expectation, Family, Fear, My Story, Regret, Relapse, Relationships, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, change, chemical dependency, drinking, family, fear, heart ache, negativity, recovery, relationships, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse | Leave a comment

Beached and Mad, But Sober

by admin Posted on January 22, 2013

Today is 7 months sober, round 2. I am here. I’m still standing, in the ring, ready to beat the shit out of something. I kind of like the image of me– remember, I am a cranky, beached humpback whale in jammies–punching and jabbing at this big black amorphous blob (duh, it’s my disease–addiction). Now this is not to imply that I in any way have the upper hand with my addiction. I don’t… Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Books, Emotional Sobriety, Gratitude, Negativity, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, attitude, change, chemical dependency, drinking, gratitude, Higher power, love, recovery, self pity, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse | Leave a comment

Progress, Not Perfect

by admin Posted on January 19, 2013

Typically I go to a meeting on Saturday morning. This morning I decided to stay home with my hot coffee and warm blanket. Now, I don’t want to admit this (because I can already hear the unspoken “I told you so”) but I should have gone to my meeting. If not for myself, for others. We depend on one another to show up and to be of service. This morning I was selfish.
Continue reading →

Posted in Complacency, Gratitude, Happiness, Honesty, Relapse, Self-Care, Service, Spirituality, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, chemical dependency, grateful, gratitude, joy, love, mindfulness, pain, recovery, self-care, sobriety, spirituality | Leave a comment

Saturday Morning Epiphany and Other Light Stuff

by admin Posted on January 5, 2013

Probably the single best thing about being an alcoholic, for me, is getting to sit in a room with a bunch of people who are exactly like me. I share my crazies and I see multiple women nod in response. They get me; they are me. There is no shame, no stigma. I feel my blood pressure drop and my shoulders, neck, and face relax. I don’t have to be anything to anyone other than who I am. Continue reading →

Posted in Antidepressants, Depression, Expectation, Fear, Mental Illness, My Story, Spirituality | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, antidepressants, attitude, change, drinking, negativity, recovery, self-talk, shame, sobriety, spirituality | Leave a comment

Gratitude, On the Fly

by admin Posted on December 16, 2012

As I rocked back and forth in a cozy, enveloping recliner this morning, surrounded by other alcoholics and addicts, I felt something that’s been missing — gratitude. It filled my mind, my heart, my soul, my body. It formed an impenetrable, pink bubble about me. I was enshrouded in love. Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Emotional Sobriety, Family, Gratitude, Holidays, Mindfulness, Service, Spirituality | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, appreciation, attitude, chemical dependency, family, grateful, gratitude, love, mindfulness, recovery, relationships, self-care, substance abuse, willingness | Leave a comment

Man Did That Unpack My Shit

by admin Posted on October 6, 2012

Yesterday I saw an alcoholic in his disease. Active. Drunk. Incoherent. Struggling to keep his eyes open. I also witnessed a pretty typical response from the community: fearful and laden with mean-spirited, judgey, inappropriate suppositions. Disheartening but also an important reminder of my own alcoholism. It takes me to dark, stinky, soulless places. Continue reading →

Posted in Conflict, Fear, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, chemical dependency, drinking, fear, God, grateful, gratitude, Higher power, service, sobriety, spirituality | Leave a comment