Category Archives: Suffering

Too Much Loss

by admin Posted on May 16, 2013

If you’ve read my blog recently, you know I had to put my beloved Golden Retriever to sleep. She had been sick off and on for months. We tried medications, tests, etc. but when she was bleeding out of nose … Continue reading →

Posted in Family, Happiness, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, breakup, change, chemical dependency, cirrhosis, drinking, family, God, grief, heart ache, Higher power, loss, love, negativity, pain, recovery, relationships, self medicating, self pity, service, sobriety, story | 2 Comments

“Circumstances Make Us Willing”

by admin Posted on May 15, 2013

My old sponsor and I used to meet for walk and talks. She had much wisdom to impart upon me. And for a time, I listened. And I was happy. Then I put on ear muffs and stopped hearing. I … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Conflict, Emotional Sobriety, Gratitude, Happiness, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, grief, negativity, pain, pause, recovery, relationships, self pity, sobriety, willingness | Leave a comment

Two Modes

by admin Posted on May 13, 2013

I’ve long thought that hand-in-hand with intelligence comes misery. I don’t mean that offensively, merely that with the greater propensity for retrospection and deep thought comes a greater propensity for unhappiness. I also have the experience to support that hand-in-hand … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Complacency, Cross Addiction, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Sobriety, Family, Fear, Gratitude, Help, Negativity, Regret, Relapse, Spirituality, Suffering | Leave a comment

Moving Out; Moving In; Moving On

by admin Posted on May 12, 2013

Yesterday was May 11. That is significant for two reasons: 1) It was my sober date; and 2) It was my relapse date. Last year, after three years of recovery, I relapsed. On my sober date. It was at a … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Emotional Sobriety, Parties, Regret, Relapse, Self-Care, shame, Socializing, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, change, chemical dependency, drinking, loss, love, negativity, pain, relationships, self medicating, self pity, self-care, self-talk, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse | 4 Comments

I’ve Learned in the Past Almost 11 Months…

by admin Posted on May 10, 2013

… That people don’t change. Maybe on the surface. Maybe a different face for a special occasion. But at their core, and absent what most people would consider a compelling reason, people don’t change. … That people can’t be changed by … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Conflict, Emotional Sobriety, Family, Gratitude, Help, Honesty, Relationships, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Leave a comment

What Can I Do to Help?

by admin Posted on April 29, 2013

Today was a hard day. Allow me a brief tangent here. I know my problems are those of the privileged. I don’t live under a bridge. I never think, actually ever, about the quality of water I drink or the … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Depression, Gratitude, Honesty, Mental Illness, Negativity, Patience, Relationships, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged anger, death, Depression, grief, help, helping others, loss, moods, pets, sadness, self involvement, service | Leave a comment

Coping with Loss

by admin Posted on April 22, 2013

I am suffering. Physically and emotionally. I have lost count of the number of times I’ve thought “fuck everything” today. I know I’ve said it aloud at least twice. I’ve also been querying the Universe, “What is the point?” I … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Depression, Relationships, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged heart ache, self medicating, self-care | Leave a comment

Cee Lo Green Said it Best… (Originally and Radio-Friendly)

by admin Posted on April 7, 2013

…when he said, F**k You. Or, Forget You. I prefer “F**k You.” I like saying f**k. F**k f**k f**kitty f**k f**k. I have never been good at forgetting anything (although I LOVE Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings’ Better Things). And finally, F**k You suits the tune better. While we are on suits, check out Cee Lo’s pink getup. Classic stuff… You likely can deduce that I am pissed. I am. I am pissed. Things suck right now. I say that without judgment. The most spiritual beings are allowed to be pissed and are expected to feel things suck from time to time. Continue reading →

Posted in Happiness, Honesty, My Story, Negativity, Regret, Relationships, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering, Uncategorized | Tagged attitude, change, drinking, loss, love, negativity, pain, self medicating, self pity, self-talk, spirituality, willingness | Leave a comment

The List, Part I

by admin Posted on January 29, 2013

My sponsor told me months ago that I needed to make a list. A list of all the things I am powerless over. I haven’t made that list. I think it’s time. I don’t know how to do this, this life thing. I am not doing this life thing well at all. But change, it’s too big, daunting. Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Emotional Sobriety, Expectation, Family, Fear, My Story, Regret, Relapse, Relationships, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, change, chemical dependency, drinking, family, fear, heart ache, negativity, recovery, relationships, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse | Leave a comment

Beached and Mad, But Sober

by admin Posted on January 22, 2013

Today is 7 months sober, round 2. I am here. I’m still standing, in the ring, ready to beat the shit out of something. I kind of like the image of me– remember, I am a cranky, beached humpback whale in jammies–punching and jabbing at this big black amorphous blob (duh, it’s my disease–addiction). Now this is not to imply that I in any way have the upper hand with my addiction. I don’t… Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Books, Emotional Sobriety, Gratitude, Negativity, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, attitude, change, chemical dependency, drinking, gratitude, Higher power, love, recovery, self pity, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse | Leave a comment