I’ve long thought that hand-in-hand with intelligence comes misery. I don’t mean that offensively, merely that with the greater propensity for retrospection and deep thought comes a greater propensity for unhappiness. I also have the experience to support that hand-in-hand … Continue reading
Yesterday was May 11. That is significant for two reasons: 1) It was my sober date; and 2) It was my relapse date. Last year, after three years of recovery, I relapsed. On my sober date. It was at a … Continue reading
…when he said, F**k You. Or, Forget You. I prefer “F**k You.” I like saying f**k. F**k f**k f**kitty f**k f**k. I have never been good at forgetting anything (although I LOVE Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings’ Better Things). And finally, F**k You suits the tune better. While we are on suits, check out Cee Lo’s pink getup. Classic stuff… You likely can deduce that I am pissed. I am. I am pissed. Things suck right now. I say that without judgment. The most spiritual beings are allowed to be pissed and are expected to feel things suck from time to time. Continue reading
My sponsor told me months ago that I needed to make a list. A list of all the things I am powerless over. I haven’t made that list. I think it’s time. I don’t know how to do this, this life thing. I am not doing this life thing well at all. But change, it’s too big, daunting. Continue reading
2011 has been a remarkable year. I have stayed sober. At times by the hair of my chinny-chin-chin. I have worked an altogether imperfect, incomplete program in recovery. I’ve joined a wonderful family. I have taken some professional risks. I have begun to release my white-knuckle grip on old stories and let new narratives take root. Continue reading
I am in trouble this morning. It’s not that I want a drink specifically. I am not fantasizing about one particular beverage or ritual. It’s more an all-around desire to escape. Disappear. To not feel anything. Now, this doesn’t happen to me all that often. Thank you, Universe! Yet when that gnarly voice does sneak up, it’s sudden. And it invokes a sensation akin to dropping a bench press weight on one’s chest: unavoidably distracting, awkward, and painful. Continue reading
For 21 years I lived life pretty conventionally. To the outside observer that is. I was a good student. I played field hockey. I joined a youth symphony orchestra. I ate my peas and carrots. Then one month before my 22nd birthday, my father died. It rocked my world. The past 13 years have taken me some weird, frightening, exhilarating, trippy places and directions. Franky, I adore the idiosyncrasies of a life fully lived. Call it serendipity, chance, fate, luck, a higher power– that’s semantics– there has got to be something WAY bigger than puny ole me calling the shots. It’s the only satisfying explanation I have for being offered a new career opportunity. Continue reading