I’ve long thought that hand-in-hand with intelligence comes misery. I don’t mean that offensively, merely that with the greater propensity for retrospection and deep thought comes a greater propensity for unhappiness. I also have the experience to support that hand-in-hand … Continue reading
Today was a hard day. Allow me a brief tangent here. I know my problems are those of the privileged. I don’t live under a bridge. I never think, actually ever, about the quality of water I drink or the … Continue reading
…when he said, F**k You. Or, Forget You. I prefer “F**k You.” I like saying f**k. F**k f**k f**kitty f**k f**k. I have never been good at forgetting anything (although I LOVE Sharon Jones & The Dap Kings’ Better Things). And finally, F**k You suits the tune better. While we are on suits, check out Cee Lo’s pink getup. Classic stuff… You likely can deduce that I am pissed. I am. I am pissed. Things suck right now. I say that without judgment. The most spiritual beings are allowed to be pissed and are expected to feel things suck from time to time. Continue reading
Today is 7 months sober, round 2. I am here. I’m still standing, in the ring, ready to beat the shit out of something. I kind of like the image of me– remember, I am a cranky, beached humpback whale in jammies–punching and jabbing at this big black amorphous blob (duh, it’s my disease–addiction). Now this is not to imply that I in any way have the upper hand with my addiction. I don’t… Continue reading
I am in need of a major nutting up. Not the old-fashioned, pull Andrea up by her bootstraps crap– that’s ineffective and punishing– but nutting up as in saying so long to the what-ifs, opening my eyes, pulling my fingers from my ears, and working with what’s been right in front of me all along. Continue reading
I intended to get up for a meeting this morning and that didn’t happen. And once again I see the results of that particular test. I get up for the meeting and start my day off early but spiritually = productive, content, peaceful Andrea. I sleep in = tired, crabby, woe-is-me Andrea. I’ve been feeling sorry for myself for about two hours now and there’s no sound reasoning behind it. Continue reading
A few weeks ago, I left the coffee shop gig for a position serving at a local cafe. In many ways, a major quality of life improvement: better hours, higher pay, and a more diverse and challenging work experience. I continue to teach at a local University as well. I had grand plans of picking up my thesis, pounding it out by the end of summer. Now I recognize the craziness of that plan. As it is today, “just” working, I have little time for play. And that bums me out. Regardless, it’s not all for naught. I am always learning. Today has been a series of reflections on what I’m learning (or re-learning) about life, from waiting tables. Continue reading
I am mad. Not pissy. Not grouchy. Not even crabby. Mad. Not mad as in mad about kittens. Or mad as in crazy (although I do dabble in that from time to time). No. I am raising my voice, shaking “fists of rage” (as my awesome sister would say) mad. Continue reading
When I first sobered up, I was told several things that I had a hard time grasping: 1) It will be okay. Everything will be okay; 2) Letting go makes everything easier; and 3) Service work helps. Continue reading
One assumption I carried around for years and must actively continue to challenge day in and day out is that I must be perfect. That only in perfection will I find happiness, love, and respect. What a damaging assumption! Yet it’s not unique. Lots of us, unconsciously perhaps, are programmed to understand imperfection as failure. Continue reading