Category Archives: Emotional Sobriety

“Circumstances Make Us Willing”

by admin Posted on May 15, 2013

My old sponsor and I used to meet for walk and talks. She had much wisdom to impart upon me. And for a time, I listened. And I was happy. Then I put on ear muffs and stopped hearing. I … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Conflict, Emotional Sobriety, Gratitude, Happiness, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, grief, negativity, pain, pause, recovery, relationships, self pity, sobriety, willingness | Leave a comment

Two Modes

by admin Posted on May 13, 2013

I’ve long thought that hand-in-hand with intelligence comes misery. I don’t mean that offensively, merely that with the greater propensity for retrospection and deep thought comes a greater propensity for unhappiness. I also have the experience to support that hand-in-hand … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Complacency, Cross Addiction, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Sobriety, Family, Fear, Gratitude, Help, Negativity, Regret, Relapse, Spirituality, Suffering | Leave a comment

Moving Out; Moving In; Moving On

by admin Posted on May 12, 2013

Yesterday was May 11. That is significant for two reasons: 1) It was my sober date; and 2) It was my relapse date. Last year, after three years of recovery, I relapsed. On my sober date. It was at a … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Emotional Sobriety, Parties, Regret, Relapse, Self-Care, shame, Socializing, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, change, chemical dependency, drinking, loss, love, negativity, pain, relationships, self medicating, self pity, self-care, self-talk, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse | 4 Comments

I’ve Learned in the Past Almost 11 Months…

by admin Posted on May 10, 2013

… That people don’t change. Maybe on the surface. Maybe a different face for a special occasion. But at their core, and absent what most people would consider a compelling reason, people don’t change. … That people can’t be changed by … Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Conflict, Emotional Sobriety, Family, Gratitude, Help, Honesty, Relationships, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Leave a comment

It Just Kinda Snuck Up On Me

by admin Posted on March 20, 2013

It’s recently come to my attention that I have gained, wait for it… forty pounds. I am around between 5’1″. A 40-pound weight gain for someone my size is alarming. It also prompted me to gasp words I last uttered upon sobering up: How the fuck did I get here? Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Cross Addiction, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional Sobriety, Fear, My Story, Self-Care, Service, shame, Spirituality | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, bingeing, drinking, Higher power, recovery, self pity, self-care, self-talk, service, shame, sobriety, spirituality | Leave a comment

The List, Part I

by admin Posted on January 29, 2013

My sponsor told me months ago that I needed to make a list. A list of all the things I am powerless over. I haven’t made that list. I think it’s time. I don’t know how to do this, this life thing. I am not doing this life thing well at all. But change, it’s too big, daunting. Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Emotional Sobriety, Expectation, Family, Fear, My Story, Regret, Relapse, Relationships, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, change, chemical dependency, drinking, family, fear, heart ache, negativity, recovery, relationships, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse | Leave a comment

Beached and Mad, But Sober

by admin Posted on January 22, 2013

Today is 7 months sober, round 2. I am here. I’m still standing, in the ring, ready to beat the shit out of something. I kind of like the image of me– remember, I am a cranky, beached humpback whale in jammies–punching and jabbing at this big black amorphous blob (duh, it’s my disease–addiction). Now this is not to imply that I in any way have the upper hand with my addiction. I don’t… Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Books, Emotional Sobriety, Gratitude, Negativity, Self-Care, Spirituality, Suffering | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, attitude, change, chemical dependency, drinking, gratitude, Higher power, love, recovery, self pity, sobriety, spirituality, substance abuse | Leave a comment

Spiritual Funkiness

by admin Posted on January 4, 2013

I always feel a bit blue come January. This year I am particularly blue because the holidays were awesome! We had a ball. And now… well, now what? I feel disappointed and a bit confused. I struggle with orienting myself to time and space without the holidays and New Year before me. I am in a spiritual funk. I want what’s just beyond my reach. But I don’t want to have to work for it. Continue reading →

Posted in Emotional Sobriety, Holidays, Spirituality, Uncategorized | Tagged addiction, bingeing, change, gratitude, joy, mindfulness, positive thinking, recovery, self-talk, sobriety, spirituality | Leave a comment

Gratitude, On the Fly

by admin Posted on December 16, 2012

As I rocked back and forth in a cozy, enveloping recliner this morning, surrounded by other alcoholics and addicts, I felt something that’s been missing — gratitude. It filled my mind, my heart, my soul, my body. It formed an impenetrable, pink bubble about me. I was enshrouded in love. Continue reading →

Posted in Acceptance, Emotional Sobriety, Family, Gratitude, Holidays, Mindfulness, Service, Spirituality | Tagged addiction, alcoholism, appreciation, attitude, chemical dependency, family, grateful, gratitude, love, mindfulness, recovery, relationships, self-care, substance abuse, willingness | Leave a comment

I Admit It: I Am Terrified

by admin Posted on September 29, 2012

I’ve been flirting with my “wise mind” for the last couple months. What I mean by that is that while I am usually aware that I am reacting, responding irrationally, and have the tools to stop and return to sanity, I don’t always do it. It’s as though I haven’t totally committed myself to a spiritual path. And that’s not for lack of desire. I desperately want that peace of mind, that serenity, that quiet space again. But I’ve been holding back from facing everything. Continue reading →

Posted in Antidepressants, Emotional Sobriety, Expectation, Family, Holidays, Patience, Problem Solving, Service, Socializing, Suffering | Tagged attitude, change, family, fear, grief, love, mindfulness, pause, recovery, self pity, self-care, service | 2 Comments