I’ve long thought that hand-in-hand with intelligence comes misery. I don’t mean that offensively, merely that with the greater propensity for retrospection and deep thought comes a greater propensity for unhappiness. I also have the experience to support that hand-in-hand … Continue reading
Today was a hard day. Allow me a brief tangent here. I know my problems are those of the privileged. I don’t live under a bridge. I never think, actually ever, about the quality of water I drink or the … Continue reading
I am suffering. Physically and emotionally. I have lost count of the number of times I’ve thought “fuck everything” today. I know I’ve said it aloud at least twice. I’ve also been querying the Universe, “What is the point?” I … Continue reading
It’s recently come to my attention that I have gained, wait for it… forty pounds. I am around between 5’1″. A 40-pound weight gain for someone my size is alarming. It also prompted me to gasp words I last uttered upon sobering up: How the fuck did I get here? Continue reading
Probably the single best thing about being an alcoholic, for me, is getting to sit in a room with a bunch of people who are exactly like me. I share my crazies and I see multiple women nod in response. They get me; they are me. There is no shame, no stigma. I feel my blood pressure drop and my shoulders, neck, and face relax. I don’t have to be anything to anyone other than who I am. Continue reading
When I first sobered up, I was told several things that I had a hard time grasping: 1) It will be okay. Everything will be okay; 2) Letting go makes everything easier; and 3) Service work helps. Continue reading
‘ve been chewing on some of Jung’s material for the past 24 hours. Specifically, his belief that we all go through a process he calls “individuation.” Individuation is, in my opinion, another way to talk about another process I spend a great deal of time pondering– integration. Jung believed that individuation is the path we all take to our own private, individual destinies; the journey through which we form as “whole selves;” a merging of the conscious and the unconscious. Continue reading
It’s a funny thing that happens… at least to me. When life is bumping along, kind of ordinarily-like, I feel less desire to write… What I am getting at is that I’d like to share the stories of others with you today. I am memoir junkie, a sucker for narratives around loss and salvation, a devotee to tales of recovery. All kinds of recovery, not just that of addicts and alcoholics. Continue reading
Allow me to be more specific. And first, this requires of me a brief confession: I lied earlier this week. I’ve not been uninspired or unable to blog. Sure, I’ve had the sniffles and felt clogged and snotty, but not so terrible I can’t function. Truthfully, I have been dying to blog. But I felt as though I could not. You see, this past week, my blog became fodder for a certain person’s continual beat-down of someone I care about. A means by which to get to him, shame him. Continue reading
Complacency is the poison to my happiness. It is only when I am not complacent that I get to happy. But once I arrive in happy, I lean back into complacency. Then, like clockwork, I find myself disgruntled, pissy, selfish. Continue reading