Sometimes I eat an entire brick of chocolate because I am craving a drink.
Sometimes I get to the final nibbles of that Cadbury milk chocolate bar and think, holy shit, I need ten more.
Sometimes putting together IKEA furniture is enough to send me spinning.
Sometimes I experience such intense panic that it stops me in my tracks. And all I can do is breathe.
Sometimes I want to just say FUCK IT.
Right now is one of those times. The past two hours have been awash with unhealthy thoughts about relapse, excuses to go backward, reasons to stop working so hard. Wish I could tell you why but all I can come up with is this– I am an addict. My fear and humanity creep up on me when I least expect it. It is what it is.
And so I tell on myself… in this rather brief format. Because I don’t want to dwell on it but I have to get it out.
Thanks for listening.
Peace and love.